A heart-touching moment between Chip's mom and me

At one point in my visit this weekend to see Chip’s parents, his dad left the room. His mom expressed that she worried about me (She is a worrier). She worries that I’m lonely. I responded that I miss Chip desperately.

She told me that she knew I was good to Chip, and I explained that he was such a wonderful person that I couldn’t treat him any differently than I did. I wasn’t certain if she wanted me to keep going on about Chip, since I was afraid that talking about him might upset her, so I merely dipped my toes into the waters of becoming effusive.

She kept smiling the more I spoke of him, so I expanded on what I was saying. I described his multi-faceted personality in the kind of detail that a gemologist would describe a precious stone. I labeled acts of goodness and kindness he had done, and the positive outcomes those acts had on others. The more she smiled, the more rhapsodic I became. I gushed and glowed. She glowed and listened.

For as long as her eyes twinkled while hearing about the son she lost, I ran with it. My words dripped with enthusiasm and overflowed with ebullience. She hung on them, maybe even embraced them. But, when I saw sadness creep over her face as her thoughts likely drifted to the reality that he is gone forever, as mine so often do when I think of him long enough, I gently halted my words and simply sat there quietly with her until the next topic came up when Chip’s dad re-entered the room.

From my perspective as a mother, I believe every mother who has lost a child would want to hear (and should hear) all about how wonderful that child was, rather than simply hearing “I’m sorry for your loss.” Of course, Chip (and every child who dies before his or her parent) is never perfect, but the imperfection or flaws are what is forgotten over time. Emphasizing the positives and the beautiful aspects of the child to his or her mother brings peace, joy and the rumblings of motherly love that can no longer be expressed to or shared with the child through interactions.

I am so grateful to have had the moment of gushing about Chip to his mom this weekend. To be sure, I can’t think of anyone else in the world, other than his mom, who would listen to me over-enthuse and effuse about Chip, and who would be so entirely captured by my thoughts about him.

Everlasting be his memory.