After death, life must be embraced

I have officially completed the two grief groups that were offered to me in the fall. The one offered by the funeral home in Vienna ended a few weeks ago and the Wednesday evening one titled "Good Grief Group," offered by the hospital where Chip died, ended this past week. Although the groups have ended, I will go forward being so grateful for the time spent with members of both grief groups and for the relationships that were forged in this time of hurting, stress, and learning to live with grief.

The leader of the Wednesday group, Michelle Bronzo, LPC, announced at our last session that she was leaving Life with Cancer at Inova Hospital and starting her own private practice. The knowledge and experience she provided the group as a licensed counselor with a Certificate in Thanatology from the Association for Death Education and Counseling was so valuable to me, and I know it was very, very helpful as she supported Chip through the last couple months of his life as his individual counselor. The support she offers to support others through grief and loss, adjustment to illness and other life transitions by way of her soft tone and caring demeanor is nothing short of amazing. She is an amazing counselor and I believe she will help others so much as a private practitioner. To seek her services, here is the website for her private practice.

By way of her guidance, Michelle offered all of us in the Good Grief group a place to put and to share grief with others going through loss of loved one, the understanding that everyone's grief and relationship with the one they lost is different, and the chance to see a glimpse forward in a life without a loved one. She taught us that only we as individuals know how to adjust to life without our loved ones since grief is a very individual experience.

In addition to her guidance and activities that she had us complete during our 8 weeks together, she also shared readings, poems and meditations to guide us. Below are others' words that she shared on our last session together. I found the blessing to be beautiful and heart-warming. The poem resonated strongly with me, for if there's one thing I know for sure at this point after attending two grief support groups: Despite the grief and the hurt, I have to hold life in my hands and to love every single minute of it.

A Blessing:

"May you listen to your longing to be free. May the frames of your belonging be large enough for the dreams of your soul. May you arise each day with a voice of blessing whispering in your heart ...something good is going to happen to you. May you find harmony between your soul and your life. May the mansion of your soul never become a haunted place. May you know the eternal longing that lies at the heart of time. May there be kindness in your gaze when you look within. May you never place walls between the light and yourself. May you be set free from the prisons of guilt, fear, disappointment and despair. May you allow the wild beauty of the invisible world to gather you, mind you, and embrace you in belonging.”

- John O'Donohue

The Thing Is by Ellen Bass

to love life, to love it even when you have no stomach for it and everything you’ve held dear crumbles like burnt paper in your hands, your throat filled with the silt of it. When grief sits with you, its tropical heat thickening the air, heavy as water more fit for gills than lungs; when grief weights you like your own flesh only more of it, an obesity of grief, you think, How can a body withstand this? Then you hold life like a face between your palms, a plain face, no charming smile, no violet eyes, and you say, yes, I will take you I will love you, again.