Chip's recipe for Stir Fry Sauce

As I blogged just days after Chip died, mornings are the hardest mornings. On June 30th, I shared why Tuesday mornings are the hardest in the week. Of all the evenings in the week, Thursday evenings are definitely the hardest. Every Thursday at 4:30, I get the one hour alert for my 5:30 weekly calendar entry “Date night with Chip.”

Chip and I instituted “Thursday Date Night” a year or so ago. Since life was so busy with kids and work, we thought it would be good to have a designated date night to pause and focus on each other. Sometimes, we went out to dinner or to hear live music on date night. Other nights we cooked in, having cocktails while we did so, and enjoyed a quiet dinner up in our sunroom where we were married. In the last month or so before Chip died, date night looked more like us holing ourselves up in the sunroom or in the family room to have conversations about life or to question and worry about where his present health situation was going. He couldn’t eat much and didn’t have much of an appetite, and alcohol had started burning the roof of his mouth when he sipped it, so date night involved a lot of talking, laughing and loving with alcohol for me and medically-approved “fun” for him.

When the reminder on my phone came up just now for date night, I thought “Why don’t I just erase the reminder?” and save myself the sadness and grief every Thursday. Then, I recalled the words of the grief counselor, named Cheryl, that I met with (via phone) for the first time this past Tuesday morning (I picked that morning on purpose). Cheryl said “Be prepared that people will tell you ‘It’s been months, so it’s time to let it go’ or ‘Empty the closets already!’” Then, she added “You don’t have to do anything at any point unless you want to” and “When it’s time and you’re ready, you’ll know.”

Cheryl asked me during the call if I was eating. I told her it’s hard to feel joy around food these days, but I force myself to cook and to eat so that the children don’t starve or worry about me. She said that it was good to have a purpose as we do the necessary stuff of life after losing a loved one. I realized during my conversation with Cheryl that food always served much more of a purpose than just sustenance for me and Chip. Together, we enjoyed the whole process….from planning, to shopping for ingredients, to preparing the recipe, and all the way through to cleaning up. It occurred to me on the call that carrying on Chip’s legacy for valuing food (cooking/baking and eating it) was another purpose that food could serve for me after losing him. So yesterday afternoon, I went over to Chip's Evernote app, the place where he kept all of the recipes that he loved to make and to eat (all of which I have eaten and loved too!) and began looking through it. I found his countless favorite recipes dating all the way back to his first entry in May, 2014. Scrolling through and remembering all the recipes he had made and that we had enjoyed together gave me what I needed to “re-embrace” cooking and food. Through cooking and eating, I can appreciate and honor his legacy that he left for all among us who are interested in cooking and eating (or who simply have to feed people around them).

Here is Chip’s recipe for Stir Fry Sauce that I made last night to pour over stir-fried vegetables and shrimp (which I stir-fried separately in a little sesame oil). He entered the recipe in his Evernote app on 09/16/2018.

Ingredients:

1/4 cup soy sauce

1/2 cup chicken broth

1/3 cup rice wine

3-1/2 tablespoons sugar (I used brown sugar)

1 tablespoon sesame oil

1/4 teaspoon white pepper

2 tablespoons cooking oil

1 tablespoon minced garlic

1 tablespoon minced ginger (I doubled it because I love ginger!)

1 tablespoon Sriracha sauce (I omitted this since Sam doesn’t “prefer” spicy food)

2 tablespoons cornstarch

1/4 cup water

Directions:

1. In a bowl, combine first 6 ingredients.

2. Dissolve the cornstarch in 1/4 cup water.

3. Heat a pan over high heat; add the cooking oil, swirling to coat; add the garlic and ginger; cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 15 seconds.

4. Add the soy sauce mixture; bring to a boil.

5. Reduce heat to medium and cook for 1 minute

6. Add the cornstarch solution and cook, stirring, until the sauce boils and thickens.

Moving forward, I will make Chip's recipes come to life and will fulfill his legacy of valuing the good that comes out of a recipe made for, served to and shared with others.