If Chip had a song, what would it be?

My friend Talena posted this story of the Himba on Facebook a few weeks ago. Chip loved music so much, so I knew I had to share it at some point during Chip's 40th Day Memorial weekend. The moment I chose was at the memorial gathering we had at Hagley Museum and Library yesterday afternoon. Here is the story with the comments I made at Hagley:

At the Himba of Namibia in Southern Africa, the date of birth of a child is fixed, not at the time of its arrival in the world, nor in its design, but much earlier: since the day the child is thought in His Mother's mind.⠀

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When a woman decides she's going to have a child, she settles down and rests under a tree, and she listens until she can hear the song of the child who wants to be born. And after she heard this child's song, she comes back to the man who will be the father of the child to teach him that song. And then, when they make love to physically design the child, they sing the song of the child, to invite him.⠀

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When the mother is pregnant, she teaches the singing of this child to the midwives and older women of the village. So, when the child is born, old women and people around him sing his song to welcome him.⠀

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As the child grows, the other villagers learn his song. So if the child falls, or gets hurt, he always finds someone to pick him up and sing his song. Similarly, if the child does something wonderful, or successfully passes through the rites of passage, the people of the village sing his song to honor him.⠀

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In the tribe, there is another opportunity where villagers sing for the child. If, at any time during his life, the person commits an aberrant crime or social act, the individual is called in the center of a the village and the people of the community form a circle around him. Then they sing his song.⠀

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The tribe recognizes that the correction of antisocial behavior does not pass through punishment, it is by love and reminder of identity. When you recognize your own song, you don't want or need to do anything that would harm the other.⠀

Throughout the person’s lifetime, the song is sung to the person. In Marriage, the songs of the wedded are sung together.⠀

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And when, getting old, when the person is lying in his bed, ready to die, all the villagers know his song, and they sing, for the last time, his song.

The importance of song with the Himba tribe made me think about theme songs, songs that are sung before college football games and songs that carry meaning for us. And then I wondered, if Chip had a song, what would it be? Since he wasn’t assigned one at birth, and he loved so many different songs throughout his life, I figured I would assign him a song and listen to it or sing it whenever I want to remember and honor him.

As we place the urn in the river to set Chip free in this place where he enjoyed fireworks, car shows and so many times in his youth, I ask that you think about a song that will be YOUR song for Chip. It can become the song that you sing to celebrate and remember him. You might sing it on his birthday or every year on the day of his earthly death. Sometime in the future, we may gather again to sing our songs for him in remembrance.

If you were to assign a song to him, what would it be? (Placement of urn in the Brandywine River and a moment of silence). After the memorial, Chip's friend Rick's mom shared the song she had already chosen for Chip. It was a church hymn (I have to ask her for the name of it) and she sang it for me right there, a cappella, next to the Brandywine River where I had placed his urn in the rushing water. It was a beautiful song for him.

A bit later, while we were eating lunch at picnic tables in the s

hade of the trees lining the Brandywine, Chip's dad told me that he found his song for Chip. He turned his phone screen towards me and handed me the phone. On the screen was the lyrics for "My Way," by Frank Sinatra. He said "I think Chip always did it his way and this will be my song for him." I responded that I the song was perfect for Chip since he did, indeed, do things his way. And, then, he sang his song for Chip right there at the picnic table. It was an incredible tribute from a father to a son. I captured it on video and it can be viewed here.