Poem: It Wasn't You Calling

Your name is still on the list

of favorite people on my phone.

I call others on the list and see the words

“My Darling Husband”

bookended by red heart emojis.

The words and hearts came up on my screen a few days ago.

I had mistakenly hit the button to dial you.

But, that wasn’t the first thought

that popped into my head.

In fact, I had no first thought.

Rather, I had a first feeling.

My first feeling was elation that you were calling me

It was the first feeling I always had when

“My Darling Husband”

surrounded by the 2 hearts came up on my screen.

My second feeling was confusion.

Why were you calling me?

How could you be calling me?

What if the Universe worked that way now, in the age of smart phones and powerful satellites

and you were actually calling me?

My third feeling was deflation, followed quickly

by sadness, and then devastation.

It wasn’t you calling me.

Calli was there, for one of her sweet hugs

and to hear me explain through my weeping.

I said a prayer to you reminding you

that if you were unsure of where you belonged and that

if you had lost your way to Heaven (You always had trouble with left from right),

that your 40-day memorial was right around the corner.

After 40 days, you will certainly find your way and your peace.

When you are remembered on the 40th day after your death

as well as throughout the weekend after your 40th day,

you will definitely know where you belong:

with God, surrounded entirely by His love

rather than simply surrounded by 2 heart emojis.