The Keepers of the Memories and Chip’s eggnog recipe (well, George Washington’s eggnog recipe)

I miss Chip, but I also miss his daughter Cat. He was the tie that bound us together and, now that he is gone, I have found myself yearning for any opportunity to connect with her since the day he died. It’s hard. She has a mom. She has friends and many family members to support her. I am the woman who was in her dad’s life for a handful of years as his “girlfriend,” and even fewer years as his wife and her step-mom, and it often makes me wonder where I fit into her life now that Chip is gone.

One guaranteed way for us to fit into each other's lives this month was in the celebration of our birthdays. Cat and I have December birthdays, only one day apart, and I was so happy to connect with her last week. We know, as December babies, that birthday celebrations can get mixed up with holiday lights and gift-buying as well as with shouts of “Happy holidays” and “Merry Christmas.” We shared a bit this past week how we try to pamper ourselves when the world is focused on Christmas and how celebrating our birthdays this year, for the first time without Chip, left us feeling down. She got a new phone for the first time without him. He didn’t make my cake (making birthday cakes for others was one of the most favorite things Chip did in life), but my kids lovingly made it for me. Cat wished her dad had gotten to see her apartment. I assured her he would have loved her first apartment that she set up on her own and that seeing her in it would have brought him immense joy. She made his eggnog (see his recipe below, written in his own words that he saved in his Evernote app) and reported that she was taking gulps of it because it was too difficult to sip it (It’s very potent!).

Cat texted me saying that she watched the video of her dad singing Ghost Riders that I shared at his 6-month memorial in Oakton. She shared that she used to sing the song with her dad while he played the song on his guitar and said “when I hear it I can’t help but sing along to him.” I responded what a perfect, beautiful image that was in my head.

She and I lamented that we are the “Keeper of the Memories” that we forged with him as individuals. She wrote to me of times spent riding in the car when he drove her school and memories of him practicing his guitar early in the morning and outside on the hilltop in Oakton….and I know there are millions upon millions more. I shared that those memories that only I have with him are so special to me, but that it can also feel lonely to be the only one with those memories. No one on earth has the same memories as she and I do of times spent with Chip when we were alone with him We agreed that this is heart-breaking. I assured her that, over time, the pain of being the only one with the memories will lessen and, hopefully, will be replaced with feelings of love and remembrance when those memories are conjured up.

Of course, others have memories with Chip that neither she nor I had. His childhood friends, siblings, parents, neighbors, colleagues and so many others are the “Keepers of the Memories” they and Chip shared. One such example is of Chip’s bandmate, Chris, who shared Youtube videos with me of the band playing Ghost Riders (click on the song title to view the video) and Dreams (click on the song title to view the video) at an amateur night in Springfield, VA in December 2013 (I can’t get over how young Chip looks in the video…and that smile…so, so Chip). After he watched the 6-month memorial video that Bob Byrne put together, Chris felt compelled to share the videos of earlier days with the band playing these very songs. Chris and Chip’s former bandmates are left with their memories of Chip at band practice and during performances. But, in sharing those memories that belong to Chris and “the band” and not to me, Chris helped me heal a bit and made dealing with the grief a bit easier.

I deeply hope that the “Keepers of the Chip Memories,” the memories that we shared one-on-one with him or in a small or large groups, will always be willing to share their memories with me. I find great comfort in sharing collective or individual memories of him with others. There is beauty and comfort in remembering the past and happier days, long before things like cancer and chemotherapy were part of Chip's life and our lives with him.

May we the “Keepers of the Chip Memories” always have the chance to drink a cup of good cheer, at any point in the year and forever, in honor and remembrance of Chip and the memories we made with him.

Holiday Eggnog, in Chip’s words:

My recipe, said to come from Gen. George Washington, is as follows:

six eggs

1/2 cup sugar

two pints 1/2 and 1/2 or heavy cream

two pints milk

one pint dark rum

one pint brandy

two pints bourbon or rye

With a mixer, beat the egg on high and add the sugar to dissolve in the egg. Washington reported separated the eggs and beat the whites stiff to be folded in later, but I have found that the proteins bond over night and the foam gets a curdled texture. Besides, having an electric mixer gets the eggs slightly frothy, and Washington didn't have that luxury. If separating the eggs, try folding the whipped whites into the whipped heavy cream and fold into egg, sugar and booze mixture.

Add the cream and milk while the beaters are still running to mix the dairy in well. Washington uses cream instead of half and half, but I’ve found that too rich. Work with it to see what you like.

Finally, pour the liquor in slowly while mixing to minimize curdling. I like bourbon over rye, but Washington used rye. He was distilling it at Mount Vernon.

Serve well chilled with a bit of fresh nutmeg sprinkled on top. I like it better after a day when the liquor melds. Four to six ounces is plenty as it's rich and potent!