The Power of the Pen

I used Chip’s pen just now to complete a necessary form related to the “business” of Chip’s death. When I picked up the deluxe, fine-tip Uni-ball from the table where it has lived since Chip’s passing, I instantly pictured him writing with it. A check to the plumber. An addressed envelope to his son Henry. A list on a sticky note. His hand strength had gotten quite weak near the end, but he always muscled through whatever he was writing with the silver pen, including his final love letter to me on May 6th.

Handling the business of death can be exhausting. Tasks such as dealing with Chip’s last will and testament, discussing final benefits with people at his workplace, and closing his accounts at the AT&T store or the bank by showing his death certificate require many deep breaths to get through them. I do the tasks robotically, telling myself I am just pushing paper for someone else to get the job of being his personal representative done. After 3-1/2 years of doing tasks and jobs to support him while he fought to live with cancer, being his perfect personal representative is one of the few tasks left that I can do for him.

As hard as this all is, it doesn’t weigh me down for long. Every day since he passed 19 days ago (yes, I’m counting), the condolences, well-wishes and stories/thoughts about Chip have rolled in and lifted me up. He had an impact on so many in his life, and each comment about him matters so much. I hang tightly onto others’ words about him when dealing with the business of his death starts to get to me. Here are just some of the thoughts that people in his life have shared with me over the past 2+ weeks with their own pens or their taps on a keyboard:

“The messages of condolences and “what a great guy” have continued to come in from consultants around the country as they learn of this sad news.  Its no surprise that he made such a strong impression even though he probably met none of these people in person.” —Tyler, at WillisTowersWatson

“Chip was one of ‘my boys’ for a couple years at the ranch. He was special and this news hurts. Have enjoyed visiting with a couple of Chip’s cabin mates and another counselor over past 24 hours….sharing memories of our times with Chip.” —Stuart, Chip’s first counselor at Teton Valley Ranch Camp and director of the camp the year that Chip was a counselor. (this was shared with me by Chip’s sister Carolyn)  

“Chip was a totally charming, lovely person” —Anne, cousin

“When I told Josie she said she had just looked at Chris’s camera roll and you guys were here this time last year. Great memories of your sweetheart, and how he was full of life even when he was sick.” —Jenn, friend

“I've been thinking of Chip all week and will most certainly miss him.  We

didn't communicate very often but I liked knowing that he was there.  We go

a long way back - to the time we bonded on the trans-Siberian railroad in

1983 - and we meshed easily with each other's circle of friends.  More

recently, we kind of leaned against each other as we simultaneously left our

first marriages and entered into what I like to think of as stronger bonds.

He was always fun to be around and he always made me laugh.  By the way, I

really like the picture you used for the blog - it's the way I remember him,

what he looked like when we first met.  And the Grateful Dead, of course (I

liked that Ripple featured in the service).  Indeed, after I started really

getting into them we saw them together, with his sister Sandy and my sister

Abbie.  Memories! What an incredible struggle Chip waged.  He fought to the end and never

surrendered.  Inspiring, really.  I'm sorry that he couldn't continue on in

the world.  I'm not a religious person and don't believe in an afterlife (or

reincarnation for that matter) but I'm not too proud to be wrong.  If I am I

hope Chip and I meet up again and pick up where we left off.  More than

that, though, I wish you and Chip had had more time together.” —Buck, friend

“He was such a good guy, always a smile on his face . . . . I'm

really glad Chip and I got to spend some time together at your wedding.  My

daughter Danielle did too and remembered him well.” —Dana, friend (referencing their friend Buck’s wedding in June 2019)

“I’m so sorry for your lost. Chip was a really good and nice person.” —Thomas, my daughter Calli’s French boyfriend

“Chip gave it the best fight I have ever seen and was so positive…here’s to Chip - a great caring man, a life well lived. He will be missed by many.” —Gregg, friend

“He showed great strength. He was a good friend/cousin and a whole lot of fun! I remember his skits that he and his cabin put on at campfires at TVRC. Chip will be missed.” —Terry, cousin

“Chip and I were really good friends dating back to working together at Nextel. After we parted there, we'd meet for lunch at Five Guys regularly to catch up, talk, email and text. I'd always text him when passing through Wilmington on the train and we'd both get a kick out of it. He and I last texted on May 17. He wrote he was "better than when we last touched base, but not great physically. My mental state is improved." Through all the ups and downs of what he conquered through the years, I always tried to give him encouragement.…I’m remembering the happy and fun times with him.” —Jay, friend

“Chip and I were childhood friends from back in our days at Chadds Ford and his father and mine went to college together. Chip also visited with us when we lived in London. As we grew older and had families of our own we lost touch but finally reconnected a few years ago. I so enjoyed coming to Chip’s Birthday party back in 2017 and seeing all the other Copeland siblings. I am so very sorry Cindi that you have lost such a warm, caring and indeed delightful husband.” —Julia, friend

“I so enjoyed knowing Chip, he always had a cheerful smile and a wave when he left in the morning to me at the bus stop.” —Nancy, neighbor

“What gives me solace is that Chip, with you by his side, lived life to the fullest as best he could this entire time.” —Stephanie, friend

“I worked with Chip at Nextel (hiring him in the 90’s) and at NII (hiring him again!). He was a gentleman, great co-worker, wise counsel and friend. I’m honored to have known him and worked with him for so many years..” —Chuck, colleague and friend

“Chip was the first new classmate to invite Rick to a playdate as a new second grader at Tower Hill. They were friend’s for life.” —Marge, sister of Chips friend Rick

“I know that Chip fought long and hard and you were his rock.  I have known Chip since we were just small kids.  We were great friends through grade school and high school.  But drifted apart once we went both away to different colleges.  I had only seen him infrequently until about four years ago.  We immediately hit it off again.  I am so blessed that I got to re-friend Chip and meet you.  I will always cherish the concert we went to together in Maryland.  It was great fun and cemented our friendship once again.  I will always think of Chip when I hear the Revivalists.” —Bill G., friend

“Your husband was my closest ally, my confidant, my fan. He always made me feel, no matter what I had to say, however trivial or irrelevant or even incorrect, it was the most important comment that I ever said. How could anyone ask for anything more from a friend…I want my heart to remain “chipped” so as to always remember what a wonderful person he was and how lucky I was to be in his life.” —JB, friend

“I believe my wife and I first met you at the 2016 Hot August with the Revivalists.  And when I read the blog I was thinking "I've seen the Revivalists 10 times!"  But low and behold, I've only seen them 9 times as I actually keep a record of these shows and setlists.  Chip was the one that originally turned me on to the Revivalists (along with other bands).  Nothing bonds like music..... so I had a beer on my front porch during the sunset last night and listened to Ripple with Chip in mind.  So many transcendental musical quotes to choose from …..”Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything” (Plato)” —Mark, friend